Showing posts from December, 2004


The photo above is from website: " A woman holding a child sits amid ruins left the southern town of Kosgada Tuesday." I am sure all of us knew about the huge disaster that struck South East Asia the day after Christmas. Sri Lanka was the worst hit. Back in Year 2000, I worked with a couple of colleagues in Sri Lanka, particularly an IT Support guy named Ravi. When the project ended, we still keep in touch once a while. I emailed him on Monday hoping that he and his family are not affected. He called me on Tuesday and we talked about it. He said the situation is bad. At that point in time, Sri Lanka has 10,000 deaths. There was a train which was wrecked with 1,000 people trapped and drowned. There was a high class 5 star hotel located in a wildlife park which was destroyed. So was the park and the animals in there. Everybody was in a state of shock. He said that he and his colleague have pooled some money to buy food and clothes and they put it in front of

On Numeronean

Numy came to my house the other night. He likes the new place. Then he asked a very simple question - is it like Miss Wong's house? Miss Wong is a mutual friend. I said I am not sure as I have not been to her house. Later, it occurred to me that Numy has no idea how houses are designed and sold in KL, despite being here for almost 20 years of his life. He does not know what is 22 by 75 feet nor the typical built-up area of a terrace house. His ignorance is due to the fact that all his life, he has not lived in a terrace house before. His parents stay in a semi-D house in an opulent area. His wife grew up in a bangalow in Bangsar - she probably has no idea of a terrace house either. Both of them stays in Melbourne in their own house, a non-linked house. When we grew up together, I used to hang out in Numy's place in the afternoon. As a kid, it never occur to me that his house is big. It's just Numy's house, you know. Now that I have a place of my own and that I hav

Movie Kakis

Someone asked me how come I don't see movies with my other friends like Loochomus or ZipD? Why do I see it with kimmikanuyi and Kepong Pak Jam Kai? The short answer is once you have established a gang of fanatic movie kakis, you stick with them. The answer everybody expects but is not true is single people stick together because the couple want to watch movies as a couple. The real answer is my friends would rather watch it in a "very cheng one, rm5 DVD quality" VCD at home than to go movies. And if they DO go movies, it is usually in the weekends and I hate going to the mall on weekends because of the crowd. And if they do go movies on weekdays, these people MUST go home first to take a bath regardless of whether the movie is showing at 7.10 o'clock and "we still need to eat, so why the heck you want to go home and bathe?" So you see, the reason is not really due to the maritial status but because kimmikanuyi and KPK are flexible on the schedu



Conversation between 2 Top Executives

ringgit says: now there hor.. almost like the beginning of sri hartamas.. so many pubs and makan places.. but but but... the people hang out there a bit beng! Kimmikanuyi says: errrrrrrr anti-ringgit says: yes lah they all look like U anti-ringgitsays: we can understand Kimmikanuyi says: pakai slipper one ringgit says: i was not born in kepong.. MAH LAU born in kepong anti-ringgit says: like a piaw Kimmikanuyi says: short ... ringgit says: u turn everywhere u see people look like mah lau anti-ringgit says: i high class kepong fam ok ringgit says: eh mah lau.. u study Sekolah Kebangsaan Kepong ah??? ringgit says: high class still KEPONG! anti-ringgit says: pooi ringgit says: hahaha.. stay there 30 years.. got cap kepong liow!!! ringgit says: i baru stay in kepong 6 mths aje! ringgit says: hahahahahaaha anti-ringgit says: yr fam beer we drink heneessy ringgit says: KEPONG MAH LAU.. new name for u anti-ringgit says: yr fam smoke cap bintang we

Assistance Required

Tonight I am going out for a drink with Loochoomus and Numeronean (and his wife). Numy came back for two weeks. He and his wife is currently staying in Melbourne, Australia. They just finished having their house built. Anyway, what I required from my dear readers are standard replies to two commonly asked questions whenever I meet up old friends or relatives. Seeing that Chinese New Year is around the corner, I should really start thinking of these standard answers. If only there is one answer that will stop all these questionings. The questions that I usually get: 1. Are you still going to go Australia? 2. When are you getting a girlfriend? Any assistance is much appreciated. Thanks.


Well, well, well, who would have thought of this? Before I start, Merry Christmas to all of you! This morning, the whole family went to Concorde Hotel. My younger sister's church is having a Christmas event in the hotel. She has, in recent months, accepted Christ into her life and was excited to invite the family to her first Christmas. She's affliated with Bethany Church, part of the Assembly of God of Malaysia, in the suburb I am staying. So we went to Concorde Hotel. The event is held in the ballroom. The set up is different from most Christmas events I have been in the past. Instead of having rows and rows of chairs facing the stage, they have tables of ten instead, much like a wedding dinner. Lunch is provided, buffet style. The event started with singing - some Christmas songs - Joy to the World, Hark the Angel Sing, O Holy Night and some other songs I am not familiar with. Then this guy called HT Long came up stage. He's supposedly a very well known perfo

Wishing You A Merry Christmas

For my Christian readers, have a joyful and merry Christmas. May next year bring you happiness. For the non-Christian readers, happy holidays. Hopefully, happiness will find you next year too. For everyone, have faith. It *will* be a better year.

Blog in Baghdad

I happened to come across this interesting blog: A Family in Baghdad . It is written by a mother who is currently lives in Baghdad, Iraq. An eye opener and interesting read, considering it was just a year after the war. Take a look if you are bored. Lots of stuff though.

Life Changing

miloflamingo said that she "(have) never met anyone whose life was unchanged by Egypt, for better or worse . I'm sure she was refering to the expats who live and work in Egypt and was not refering to the week-long tourist. It does get the wheels in my brain turning though. Did I change after coming back from this week long trip? Well, for one, I begin to think a lot more about seeking God and fulfilling my spiritual need. I have seen the great things that people, 5,000 years ago, do for their faith in God. I was at the land where civilization supposedly exist. This is the place where Christianity and Islamic influences abound, where God gave Moses the 10 Commandments, where just across the Red Sea, the son of God was born, where the Prophet Mohammad made his hejira which marks the start of the Muslim calendar. 5,000 years of civilization dedicated to God cannot go wrong. Humans need faith to thrive on. Why is that so difficult to accept? Then there was the Purpose Driven L

Apple //e

My first exposure to computers were in 1986, back when I was still in Secondary One. Our school have around 10 Apple // computers. A computer club was formed and the school started giving out computer lessons. I joined one of the classes and fell in love with the computers. It changed my life. Since then, I have spent the next 4 years in school going to the club EVERY DAY just to learn and of course, to play the numerous wonderful games that the Apple // has to offer. When I was in Secondary Five, I finally owned an Apple //e. I happened to come across this website today: This website has a collection of 1,100 Apple games! Clicking on any of the games will allow you to play the old Apple games within Internet Explorer! They built the Apple // emulator as an IE application. How wonderful is that? No need to download ROMS, no need to download the emulator. No need configuration. WOW! And they have Apple //gs games too! Wonderful Christmas news!

Pretty Pictures

Pretty Pictures ...

Pass The Point Of No Return

As you can probably read from the post below my peaceful working day was interrupted by Bonnie's instant message. You could probably tell that I can still joke about the whole incident, what with my nonsense about Arabic oil. Later, I decided to poke Bonnie and what transpired had my body shaking with anger. My hands were shaking while typing and I have to keep on telling myself to stay cool and take deep breathe. Am I ethical to paste our conversation for all to see? At this point, I don't fucking care. And if Bonnie happens to chance upon this blog either via google or something, I have this to say to her: "Fuck off, bitch!" I am going to annotate the conversation below in red to tell you just exactly what I feel at that moment. bonnie (15:06) - yello ringgit (15:06) - ? bonnie (15:06) - tomorrow me not changing shift with you ringgit (15:06) - ok ringgit (15:06) - np bonnie (15:06) - when you mentioned it's a favor bonnie (15:06) - i think i dowan

Egyptian Magic Oil

So, I was minding my own business, doing some work when all of a sudden , I must emphasis the "all of a sudden" again, I received the following instant message from Bonnie: bonnie (15:06) - yello ringgit (15:06) - ? bonnie (15:06) - tomorrow me not changing shift with you ringgit (15:06) - ok ringgit (15:06) - np bonnie (15:06) - when you mentioned it's a favor bonnie (15:06) - i think i dowan to have owe u a favor lar bonnie (15:06) - thanks anyway ringgit (15:06) - everything is a favour ringgit (15:07) - how not to owe favour? bonnie (15:07) - i will remember that. ringgit (15:08) - that sounds omninous.. ringgit (15:08) - are you going to take revenge? Can someone please tell me why I get things like this? Is it because of what I said? Is it because I look too free at work? I'd like to think of it as the new Arabic oil (Egyptian perfume) that I am using now. It must have driven all these girls crazy. That's why they like to catch my

Why Me?

Yesterday night, I learned from "Purpose Driven Life" that we are meant to suffer. When we have problems, we will learn from it and be a better person. Problems build character. Instead of looking up at the sky and asking "WHY ME?", ask "What should I learn from this?". I really like the "What should I learn from this?" as it is a very positive way of putting things into perspective.

Being a Tour Guide

This weekend, I have guests from Singapore... two nice ladies with their husbands. I don't know the husbands very well but the ladies are my friends. It's not their first time here so I don't really need to bring them around - all I have to do is take them to nice places to eat and shop. Because I don't know the husbands very well, I do end up making small talks - you know, telling them about this place and that place.. some stuff about the economy, the people and even politics. I feel like a tour guide :) However, typical with any interaction with Singaporeans, they tend to "criticize" their neighbour. Things like the cleanliness of the shops or the poor state of the road or the corrupted police/government officials. Or how inefficient and lazy Malays are (even though they are also refering to the Malays in their country). Or how bad the services is (though it has been improving quite a lot, they observed), how the taxi drivers are all crooks unlike the Si


I'm sensitive to noise. The slightest sound would have waken me up from my slumber. Yet, I am cursed with living around people who makes lots of noise - whether it was in the old house or this new one. Take this morning for example. Harry's continuous barking for no reason other than seeing the neighbour dogs walking buy will be followed by mother's screaming for him to stop. It would be quiet for a minute or two and then mother would start singing her Cina songs on top of her voice. This will be followed by my sister washing her underclothes in the toilet even though we have a perfectly nice washing machine downstairs. The wash seems to take ages (how many underclothers are there?????). Then there's the construction nearby with the trucks moving up and down. Another sister would switch on Wah Lai Toi and somehow or other, the Chinese channels would have people screaming non stop - why do Chinese have to talk on top of their voices? Why? Why? I forced myself to ge


So I was reading Purpose Driven Life yesterday and the chapter talks about unity of the Church and its fellowship. One of the things that were discussed is that gossips break a fellowship and that we should not participate in a gossip. And sure enough, today I had another test on this particular area. A team member wanted to air her dissatisfaction on Bonnie. I can sensed a gossip coming along and instead of stopping it, my weak mind allow the team member to continue. Worse, her frustrations mirrorred mine and I participated in the gossip. I have failed the test. Sigh............. Must pray for more strength.

Emmy Rossum

Wow. Christine Daae, played by Emmy Rossum in The Phantom of the Opera is simply mesmerising! What a lovely pair of eyes... sigh... Ok.. The Phantom of The Opera was enjoyable. Anyone who likes musicals, or who likes Moulin Rouge, should not miss this show. It is long, almost 2.5 hours, so be prepare. But hearing all those familiar Phantom songs in a huge cinema (especially one with THX equipped) was an unforgettable experience. My favourite scene has to be the one where Christine visited her father's grave, singing "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" . It is just a simple scene potraying a lost soul yearning for guidance from someone wiser. I would go again just to see Miss Rossum one more time :)

The Phantom of the Opera

Today I am going to see The Phantom of the Opera (the movie) in Mid Valley Megamall. I saw the musical, The Phantom of the Opera , 2 years ago (May 2002) in London. At that time, I did not have a digital camera and was using anti-ringgit's old 1 megapixel digital camera. As such, I did not get to take a picture of Her Majesty's Theatre where they are still playing The Phantom of The Opera. This theatre and most other theatres are located in the heart of Leicester where the famous London West End is. To commemorate today's movie-musical, here's a picture of the Tower Bridge, London, taken the day before I saw The Phantom of The Opera. If you ask me, I thought Les Miserables was the better musical between the two :) London does look gloomy, doesn't she? I heard that's what the weather is like most of the time. Grey, moody and occasional rain. However, it is a really nice place. There's so much things to see and do. There's lots of musicals,

A Layer of Mist

When one consumes too much alchohol and is "high", one feels a layer of cloud in one's brains. Your mental alertness dropped tremendously. You feel as though there is difficulties penetrating the cloud to reach what your line of thoughts are going. People say you are stoned. I feel like this for two days already. That's without any influence from alchohol. My memory is vague. I can't seem to do my work. What is happening to me? (I do have enough sleep!)

The Year That Was

kimmikanuyi said she wanted to hide in a cave to reflect on year 2004. mystic_grey said year 2004 was the worst year ever for her. I would normally flipped through my calendar to see what had happened in the past 12 months. These are some of the stuff that I wrote on the calendar: I bought a new PC, went to Mariah Carey Charmbracelet Tour in Stadium Merdeka, went to Cameron Highlands with the gang, move to Menjalara, saw Saturday Night Fever in Istana Budaya, went to Hong Kong to see Greedy, ending the year with an unforgetable trip to Egypt with anti-ringgit, kimmikanuyi and cy. Is this a good year? Are those achievements? How does one brand a year as good or bad? I used to measure the success of a year by how many places or things I have done. Today, upon reflection, those are not achivements - or are they? The trips and the concerts - those are really immaterial, aren't they?


How to "let go" when one sees Egypt everywhere! Today, kimmikanuyi and I went to watch Mysteries of Egypt at Berjaya Times Sq. It is now being shown in iMax theatre. We have not seen iMax and Mysteries of Egypt has the honour of being our first. One word to describe the Mysteries of Egypt iMax experience - AWESOME. Go see it today!

Arabic Lessons

I was playing Counter Strike the other day. My handle was Habibi. Suddenly this guy started chatting in Arabic with me. His first message was "kaifa haluk habibi". I am like, um.. what? As the game progress, he would say "shu hatha?" or "assif" or "shukran". Curiosity got the better of me so I looked up these words. Here they are: kaifa haluk habibi = how are you, habibi? shu hatha = what is this? assif = excuse me or sorry shukran = thank you ismak eih = what is your name

The Revenge of "Respect"

Ok. I have to put this in. A couple of months ago, I attended Joey's wedding. I was dressed in a nice V-neck t-shirt and pants. When I met Joey, he looked at me and said why I wear so casually? I was taken aback. When I talked to the rest of the Friends, they said I should not be so casual. I said it's not casual because I didn't come in jeans. They said I should respect the host. It's people's wedding, for goodness sake.. so please pay some respect. Today, at Greedy's dinner, Mr and Mrs Joey were the last guest to arrive! Dinner was supposed to start at 7.30pm. At 8pm when I called him, he was still in the house. He only arrived at 9pm! Yeah.. so, who's not showing respect? I may not dressed formally, but at least I came on time. I was at Joey's wedding at 7pm, as stated in the wedding card. When you can't practise what you preached, don't insult people especially ringgit because he has very good memory. Geeeezzzzzzzzzz.


I was stuck at a traffic jam on my way to Greedy's dinner. It was raining. My first thought was the old Chinese saying - when it rained during someone's dinner, it meant that that person is a miser. Not to imply Greedy's a miser.. LOL.. but while I was thinking in the car, I realize I do know an actual miser. Someone so cheapskate that he redefines the meaning of "kiasu". So, this guy works in my company. Let's call him Miser. Miser is a Malaysian who used to study and worked in Singapore. He returned to Malaysia and worked in my company. He's a ok guy. I just can't stand him when he shows his "kiasu-ness" if there is even such a word. Let me give you an example: a few of us went to a cybercafe to play CS. Most cybercafe here charges around 2 ringgit for an hour. It's pretty cheap and affordable. So we played for like 2.5 hours and it was late and I decided to call it a day. As I was quitting, Miser called out and said let's pla

Wedding, Party, Late Nights, Stuff

I thought I should just say that today is Greedy's wedding dinner. Tomorrow will be the wedding ceremony. I bet it will be a hectic weekend for her. Speaking of hectic, I had a hectic week. I have been working more than 12 hours almost everyday. Meetings here, meetings there.. and preparation of the party (a team building party). I am so glad it was all over. On Thursday, anti-ringgit, kimmikanuyi, cy and I went to see Chloe, one of the girls in our tour. She owned an Italian restaurant, her husband is the chef. We had a long talk and get to sample some of the most delicious Italian food in KL! Anyway, my memories are hazy.. I WAS very tired.. so I will write more about that evening once I have the time to think through it. It was an entertaining and educational evening :)

People have BIGGER problem than me

Another blog which I used to frequent is Odissi's blog . This blog was recommended by mystic_grey. It's written by a Malaysian who is currently staying in London. What I like about this blog is her writing style. She's a journalist and naturally, her writing style is pretty interesting. I had a good laugh reading today's entry . It was her words of wisom at the end that prompted me to write something today. There are a lot of people who have BIGGER problems than me and therefore I should be very thankful for what I am having today (or thankful for not having when problems, headaches, family matters, etc). Just an hour ago I was having my lunch and had to share a table with a couple of people. From their conversation, the lady was extremely pissed with someone in the company and is threatening to leave the company. The man was not pacifying her either and was adding salt to the wound. As the conversation progress, she became hysteric and her voice was getting louder a

Banana-man Part Deux

I just got off the phone from a long teleconference with my peers based in USA. These days I find that I had a lot of difficulty expressing myself in words. Don't get me wrong, I can do it in writing but when it comes to speech, my sentence get all jumbled up. I don't speak with proper grammar nor do I start and end my sentence properly. I sound like a retard. ZipD used to say that I am dsylexic. I am beginning to see it. I could be totally lost for words in a teleconference. This is unforgivable. I read a lot. English is almost my first language. My English vocabulary far exceeds my Cantonese + Malay vocabulary combined. Yet, my shortcomings these days are distressing. What can I do? Is this a sickness? Am I degrading into a speech-challenged person?

All your bad luck are belong to us

This is my second time I am typing this as I have lost my update a moment ago when blogger decided not to cooperate. This is another piece of bad luck that came my way today, hence the title. So I was saying that this morning I was broke. I had enough money from all the spare change in the car to get breakfast. I went to my fav restaurant to eat wan tan mee and when I was there the wan tan mee stall was closed. Nvm, I decided to drop by the bank to withdraw money. Both ATMs were out of order. I knew that this is going to be a long day... Had my breakfast and came in to the office. I had so many calls and things to do that it totally overwhelmed me. Then at lunch, I decided to go to the ATM again. Great. A long line. Waited for 5 minutes and it's my turn. Popped in the card, do a Fast Cash and voila.. the machine did not dispense any cash. Yup, money was deducted from my account. So, I had to put in a report at the counter. So at 2pm, I am still cashless. What else could go

I am so jealous

Today, in Starbucks Ikano, using kimmikanuyi's Thinkpad to access Internet wirelessly, with me and kimmikanuyi as witness, Mr anti-ringgit bought his 20GB iPod online! I am so jealous!

Just Do It

I know that you, my readers, will throw your hands up in exasperation after reading the previous post, and scream to my face: "realize your dreams.. just do it!" or "you are single and have nothing to lose", or "I just don't understand man, where's your balls?" Well, balls or no balls, this is not an easy decision for me. Do I throw away a career and possible monetary-related opportunity costs for this dream? Do I just leave my family and friends and go to an unknown place? Sure it may be nice with fresh, cool air and possible safe neighbourhood.. but I bet I will feel twice as lonely. What about the expensive start up cost (with extremely high exchange rate) just to set up a new life there? So, as you can see, I do have something to lose. Sure, I said that money < love, health, happiness, peace of mind but who is to say I can find any of these in AU? On the other hand, who's to say I can't. Ai.. dilema! I think I am too fre

Day dreaming

All of us, at one point in time, dream about living in another country. I am no different. In my dreams, I dreamed about living in this nice house with lawns and backyards. I dreamed about drinking hot coffee outside my lawn and enjoying the cool morning air without having to wipe sweat off my face every other minute. I dreamed doing outdoor activities - be it cycling, walking the dog, or just walking around the neighbourhood, breathing fresh air without choking myself with dust and carbon monoxide. I dream of peaceful and quiet moments. A calming lull in the suburbs where I stay where people are pleasant and nice. I dreamed about weekends where I am not confined to just shopping malls or staying at home facing a PC. And not getting stuck in the traffic jam in this 34 degree Celsius weather whenever I wanted to go out and buy things. And not fighting for car parks for that matter. I dreamed about an environment where you don't see huge water filter installed outside houses

Power Lunch

Today I had lunch with Ngor Lou Kong, Emily and her uncle, Mr S. The conversation is about where to eat expensive Japanese food, where to buy semi-detached and new houses. Basically, conversation that only the very rich or upper class engage in. Sometimes I really wonder how the heck people make so much money. Is it really "meng sui" (that is, luck, they-are-meant-to-be-rich, born with silver spoon, or just damn good at making money)? But then, money is not everything. What is more important these days (and I have to constantly tell myself that because being human, we tend to get easily swayed by our quest for more $) is to have love, happiness, health and peace. Money can't buy health.. nor can it buy love, happiness and peace of mind. I think I should strive to achieve these 4 important "non-things" and envy people who have all the good health, happiness, love and peace; not envying those who own the bungalows or big houses or nice cars.


While driving home just an hour ago, I popped in my favourite MD by Beyond. Beyond is a Hong Kong rock band and their lead singer had the most amazing and mesmerizing voice. It's one of a kind and if you like Hong Kong songs, be sure to grab their greatest hits CD. Unfortunately, the lead singer died of brain concussion a few years ago. What a big loss to the industry. Anyway, I was listening to these songs and all of a sudden, I feel extremely inadequate. These guys sing in Cantonese. I speak Cantonese everyday and yet, I don't understand what they are singing! The reason is simple - I don't read/write Chinese. My understanding of the language is based on a very crude version of Cantonese. Something that was passed down from generation to generation. It's like the language used by the uneducated, peasant folks in China. An analogy would be the languages used by the rednecks in America versus one used in a by an author in his/her book. That would imply that I am

With great power, comes great responsibilities

This morning, I met with a candidate for a position in my team. The interview went well. He's a pretty pleasant guy and he met most of the criterias we were looking for. He has good attitude, which is what really matters at the end of the day. While I am not the hiring manager, there is no doubt the influence I had on the hiring decision. I had rejected a couple of candidates before and I have given my approval on a few occasions. If you remember what I said a few weeks earlier ( here ), the company has changed my life tremendously. It improves not only my life, but the life of my family too. And now I have the ability to improve someone else's life (or not). This is a huge responsibility indeed. And I will definitely exercise it with care. Somebody told me that Bonnie commented that we should not hire this guy because he's yong sui (not handsome). I am glad the decision to hire does not fall on her hand. She could have easily destroy so many people's hope with


A conversation with ZipD this afternoon went something like this: ZipD: How come you and DogBone don't response to any of my invitation for Deathmatch sessions (we were just talking about the new Half Life 2 Deathmatch, which is a multiplayer game where we kill each other to gain points - for boasting rights.) ringgit: em, perhaps we are just too busy? ZipD: koteh. There's no such thing as too busy for gaming, unless you are saying that you are not interested in games anymore which I don't get because 90% of the time, you are bored. If the interest is there, you'll always make time. Is it because I always win in the game? Is it because your ego cannot take defeat? ringgit: maybe. What ZipD failed to see, after all these years, is that my interest for computer games is dwindling. The times of "utility sut" (for the economics) are long gone. Sure, I do play games once a while but I am not obsessed about them anymore. I don't play them till wee h

And the very next day, you gave it away..

Instead of typing the whole sorry case, here's the conversation I had with Greedy in regards to this case: ringgit (15:09) - ok.. very long story ringgit (15:09) - basically it was an stupid non-work related argument ringgit (15:10) - and she gets emotional ringgit (15:10) - and burst into tears greedy (15:16) - then how? >> No activity for the past 54 min ringgit (16:10) - hi ringgit (16:10) - u free to hear story? greedy (16:13) - ok ringgit (16:13) - bonnie bought a christmas tree ringgit (16:14) - decorate it nice nice ringgit (16:14) - on monday i saw it. i was impressed. i tot she beli out of her pocket ringgit (16:14) - see see, she claimed from boss. ringgit (16:14) - so nvm.. greedy (16:15) - so ur boss pre approved it ringgit (16:15) - today, a lady approached me and asked me if i can pinjam them for a few hours on dec 17 because their team, ABC, wanna do a deepa-raya-christmas function. ringgit (16:15)

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

Today, Bonnie cried in the office.. over a Christmas tree.. and Cold War has started again. Welcome to my workplace. When has it become so unprofessional? Suspense? Will tell you more. Let me take a deep breath now. I need it.