It's not uncommon for people to ask me when I am going to finally settle down. When will I get a girl and get married. Will I ever want to settle down? Most often, I'd dance around the question. It never ceases me to wonder, however, why people love to ask such question. The people who asked these questions are married people. Don't they know realize that meeting the right person is the most difficult thing EVER? They must have.. since they have went through the ordeal. Why, then the question?
Firstly, there has to be the meet. I have been to a few, well, dates, set up by friends. Mostly it is a group of 4 outing to make things easier. Usually it just end there. They would say, why not and I would not know how to answer. How do you answer a question like "Is she suitable? Why not?" Again, it never ceases to amaze me that married or attached couple would ask such a question. Had they never met someone un-suitable? I am sure they have had their shares of unsuitable beau, so it should not come as a surprise to them, right?
Today, I ponder hard on their question. Actually, the very simple answer to the "why not" questions is that there is simply no chemistry between me and the potential girl. Chemistry is very important to me. Without it, there's no motivation for actions. We know that a relationship is based very much on actions, not just empty talks. Without the chemistry, where then is the action? Without action, where then is the relationship going to blossom?
I guess it is easier for the women. This is just my opinion, of course, and I am sure that my dear readers (who happened to be females) may not agree. Women, don't have to do much. They just stay pretty, petite and nice and men line up at their doorstep. Women need not place so much emphasis on the chemistry. As long as this guy is nice, no odd chin or weird hair sticking out of the nose, he's a potential - and can be considered. If he did all these works, actions and activities to finally impress and win her heart, boom.. they just get married. That is the only explanation I can come up with as to why fat and clumsy men or ugly guys get the girl. Because they do a lot of things to win their heart. And what motivates them to do things? Chemistry!
Now I have the answer to all these questions and it is chemistry. I hope they are satisfied :)
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Firstly, there has to be the meet. I have been to a few, well, dates, set up by friends. Mostly it is a group of 4 outing to make things easier. Usually it just end there. They would say, why not and I would not know how to answer. How do you answer a question like "Is she suitable? Why not?" Again, it never ceases to amaze me that married or attached couple would ask such a question. Had they never met someone un-suitable? I am sure they have had their shares of unsuitable beau, so it should not come as a surprise to them, right?
Today, I ponder hard on their question. Actually, the very simple answer to the "why not" questions is that there is simply no chemistry between me and the potential girl. Chemistry is very important to me. Without it, there's no motivation for actions. We know that a relationship is based very much on actions, not just empty talks. Without the chemistry, where then is the action? Without action, where then is the relationship going to blossom?
I guess it is easier for the women. This is just my opinion, of course, and I am sure that my dear readers (who happened to be females) may not agree. Women, don't have to do much. They just stay pretty, petite and nice and men line up at their doorstep. Women need not place so much emphasis on the chemistry. As long as this guy is nice, no odd chin or weird hair sticking out of the nose, he's a potential - and can be considered. If he did all these works, actions and activities to finally impress and win her heart, boom.. they just get married. That is the only explanation I can come up with as to why fat and clumsy men or ugly guys get the girl. Because they do a lot of things to win their heart. And what motivates them to do things? Chemistry!
Now I have the answer to all these questions and it is chemistry. I hope they are satisfied :)
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Chemistry? Well let me ask this, how do you know when there is chemistry when one has not give it a chance? Chemistry can happened at a certain moment. Chemistry is not love at first sight! When you are younger, chemistry is priority, however when you grow older, desperations took over chemistry.
ReplyDeleteSo! Mr Ringgit. Whoever you meet in the future, take some initiatives to go for a few 1-to-1 dates. You may encounter the beauty you may not see at first sight. The click-ability that you may not even discovered only after a few dates.
So .. a lot of time I sensed judging somebody may be wrongly thought as chemistry! I may be wrong ..but food for thoughts!
This post came handy to me :). I also very tak faham why or how come those married folks like to dig into my personal space, kept asking why not him, why not that one etc etc ....like they don't know finding the person is the most important thing ....terrrrr, I wanted so much to say this to them today, "Eh, u guys are damn lucky, hang fuk for being able to meet your right partner, appreciate each other, spend time thinking of them, and stop harassing me, stop asking why not him, why not that one or this one". Then again, it'd be rude of me if I said that. Chemistry is the answer to ALL now ...wuahahaha! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with anti-ringgit. You have to give it a try for chemistry to happen. Monica and Chandler only had chemistry when they were in London, not before.
ReplyDeleteAs for why married couple asked such question, I think I have something to say about that. They are many type of married couple. For example NLK, she will never understand the difficulties of meeting someone because she probably has romance since 18 and met the potential guy at the age of 20. There is also married couple like me who went through what you is going through. So you see I hardly ask or even if I ask, it was because I care about you.
Ringgit, 'chemistry' aiiiiii...
ReplyDeleteThere is this wonderful humble funny nice guy. When asked how would he select his partner, all he said - chemistry only. He said if he has other requirements, criteria - then it is not 'love' anymore. Sound too simple for me to comprehend lah...My inner question is - if we are meant for each other, he would have noticed me, if not - then time to let go and post mortem this case as 'no chemistry' hor ...aiiiiiii, continue my prayers !
Kimmikuniya, some guys looking for chemistry but they do not know when it has come or dare not take action when it has come simply because they are too shy or slow in reacting. My husband and his brother are 2 typical example. You should try hinting to the humble nice funny guy or just tell him you have feelings for him.
ReplyDeleteHinting is good. I am sure he's smart enough to catch the hint.. :)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to add that usually guys will try to make the first move - you know, asking for your phone number, being the first to send you the email, being the first to ask you out for a drink, dinner and movie. Most often, the response from a woman will be a signal to the man whether it is a go or no-go. Sometimes, some guys will not give up easily. If you said no when he asked you out for the first time, it is still ok. But if you said no a few more times, it is obvious to him that you are not interested. My style is to chop you as "not interested" if you declined my invitation for 3 times consecutively.
ReplyDeleteSo, if Mr Humbly Nice has asked you out, do go out. During your outing be encouraging. Men need encouragement too you know especially those that can't read signals.. LOL... but if Mr Humbly Nice did not even make a move, hmm.. you could try and ask him out for a drink. If he declined, then chop him as "not interested" and move on lor.
You sure you don't like AR??? :D