Yesterday Jane told me that the teachers started to hand out exam results. One girl in her class have 98% in her English. Another girl got 40%. This other girl was very upset and she exchanged paper with the 98% girl and rubbed off her name and wrote hers. The teacher found out and scolded her. Send her to the disciplined teacher and to educate her that this is incorrect to do so. She started crying and said that she's scared to bring a 40% mark home because her mother will "put her into orphanage" and her brother will "poison her food". It's sad what parents said to their kids. Instead of words of encouragement, they put it negatively.
One of the reasons we pulled Jane out of Chinese school was because of the fear instilled by the teachers. But if the parents themselves put this fear, whether consciously or subconsciously, it will have a longer, permanent damage.
Myself is a product of threats and beating via belt. My results were good during Primary school because of the fear of the leather belt. But come Secondary school, when my father was not able to teach me due to more advanced level, I was not able to do as well as my peer. I was hardworking and disciplined. But I wasn't using my brain a whole lot more.
I don't know if things will be different for Jane, since we didn't put a lot of pressure on her. Her results were not stellar, for example, her Maths was 70%. When she told me about her Maths, I said "Well done! Bravo! That's great, Jane! Did you know what was the reasons you didn't get a correct answer for this and that?". I think these were the right words to use, but I sometimes doubted myself.. Bravo for 70%? What if she decides that 70% is good enough? Am I encouraging mediocrity?
On the other hand, she sometimes told me her friend is so good, can get 90%. She already have peer pressures on her own. And pressure from teachers. I think she does not need pressure from her parents. Our house should be a house of comfort and trust.
Parenting is a balancing act...... I hope I am juggling the right balls.
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