Monday, May 30, 2016

Best Decision Ever

You know how sometimes you think back to your past and you came across certain incidents in your life, and the decision you made at that point in time? And how, in retrospect, you feel you made one of the best decisions ever because you see the benefits now?

I have a few life changing decisions that, in retrospect, were the best I’ve made: marrying my wife, choosing to bite the bullet and bought our current house vs looking for houses in other areas. But what I really want to talk about today was choosing SKTM was perhaps the best decision I didn’t know I was making. 

Jane was not an easy child to bring up. She was extremely fearful of people, things and change of environment. She expressed her fear through tantrums and screams and inconsolable crying. She was afraid of her kindy, and so we suffered her fear and screams for the first two years while she get used to the kindy. She only enjoyed her kindy in her this (and final) year. That was a relief for one short year. Even that short year saw some changes in her life where her mother had to work part time and so there were some baby sitting arrangement - which she didn’t like and cried as well.  

Without doubt when she went to Primary One early this year, it was another change and a very traumatic one for her. So, we had hell in the first quarter of 2016. But at that point in time, we really did not have any choice when it comes to education unless we have lots of money, which we don’t. We prayed and hoped for the best. Praying that she will get used to school. If kindy took her two years, perhaps this will take equally as long? My mood was not the greatest during that time. I have tolerated this for almost 6 years. What’s another two years right? I tell you, the negative energy then was toxic and draining. I dreaded going home. I hated school holidays. I disliked weekends. My co-workers thought I am a bad father for not liking weekends and school holidays. I have no mood to play computer games. I could have escaped by having excuses such as working late, go drinking with colleagues in the pretense that it was business socializing but that’s just not my character. We need to go through this together, husband and wife and family. But freaking hell, there were times I was just so pissed. I used Awesome Notes to write my feelings when she was screaming and I was angry. Looking at my notes now gave me a chill, because while you don’t keep grudges against your child, I could tell through these diary entries of how toxic it was for us. 

But the whole thing underwent a 180 degree transformation the moment she went into SKTM. From that very first day at school in April, the turn around was instant! There wasn’t even a cooling period, or a period of slow recovery. It was abrupt and complete. And for the past two months, we had bliss. The interactions was pleasant. She was lovely. Sure, she still fight with her sister Kat over little things, but those were just quarrels, and there’s reason for the quarrel. But that fear-induced screams and tantrums were not there anymore. They just disappeared into thin air, poof! And were distant memories. I do not know if it was the school, or it was the super compassionate class teacher, or it was just the ball fitting into the circular hole. It just clicked and all is well. I have started back my Apple Music subscription. I find myself enjoying music. I have just completed Offworld Trading Company, a computer game. My life is slowly picking itself back up. I might just be able to join the MBS boys’ trip to Cameron Highlands this June. We will see!


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