Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Pass The Point Of No Return

As you can probably read from the post below my peaceful working day was interrupted by Bonnie's instant message. You could probably tell that I can still joke about the whole incident, what with my nonsense about Arabic oil. Later, I decided to poke Bonnie and what transpired had my body shaking with anger. My hands were shaking while typing and I have to keep on telling myself to stay cool and take deep breathe. Am I ethical to paste our conversation for all to see? At this point, I don't fucking care. And if Bonnie happens to chance upon this blog either via google or something, I have this to say to her: "Fuck off, bitch!"

I am going to annotate the conversation below in red to tell you just exactly what I feel at that moment.

bonnie (15:06) - yello
ringgit (15:06) - ?
bonnie (15:06) - tomorrow me not changing shift with you
ringgit (15:06) - ok
ringgit (15:06) - np
bonnie (15:06) - when you mentioned it's a favor
bonnie (15:06) - i think i dowan to have owe u a favor lar
bonnie (15:06) - thanks anyway
ringgit (15:06) - everything is a favour
ringgit (15:07) - how not to owe favour?
bonnie (15:07) - i will remember that.
ringgit (15:08) - that sounds omninous..
ringgit (15:08) - are you going to take revenge?

You read all the above in my previous post. After 28 minutes of inactivity, I decided to poke her.

>> No activity for the past 28 min
ringgit (15:36) - Hi
ringgit (15:36) - You have not answer my q wor..
bonnie (15:37) - sorry?
bonnie (15:37) - what question?
ringgit (15:37) - I said you sounded omninous.. are you going to take revenge?
bonnie (15:37) - i think you need to learn something here.
bonnie (15:37) - i will put in "peer assestment"

>> HO HO HO.. Bonnie telling me I need to learn something. Bonnie, the most immature person in the whole team wanting to tell me to learn something!!! What an audacious statement!

Bonnie, the I-can't-control-my-fucking-emotion-I- need-to-cry-because-of-a-Christmas-tree-and-I- blame-it-all-on-my-pregnancy wanting to tell me to learn something!!! Bonnie wanting to put this in my peer assessment for my manager to see so I can learn a lesson!!! Please hold on. I need to tickle myself so I can laugh.

ringgit (15:37) - and what is it that I need to learn?
bonnie (15:38) - let me tell you something
bonnie (15:38) - i hate the word favor
bonnie (15:38) - cause my aunty used it against me when i am very young to take adv of me and my sisters.
bonnie (15:38) - i felt treaten
ringgit (15:38) - and how is your personal take on the word favour apply to business, in this case?
bonnie (15:39) - don't treaten me anymore

>> WAIT A MINUTE BONNIE. We are talking business here right? We are talking about changing shift right? What does your aunt has to do with this? Are we bringing mom here too? Do you need mother here so when you lost the fight and cry, you need someone to stand in? And I am sorry, you have a traumatic and pitiful childhood. I am sure you have been abused pyschologically by your aunt at one point or another. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT HAS TO DO WITH ME?

And excuse me, when the fuck did I threaten you? When the fuck did I say I am doing you a favour? You are the one that suddenly said "yello" and wanting to talk. Are you so deranged that your aunt's abuse haunt you every night that you have to take it out on me?

ringgit (15:39) - you started this whole conversation
bonnie (15:39) - when i give, u don't expect a return
bonnie (15:39) - i think you should learn that also

>> Personally, I don't fucking care what you think. Last I checked, my surname is ringgit. Not bonnie. I am NOT YOU Bonnie. And you have no rights to ask me to be like you. You like to do charity, by all means. Don't fucking expect people to do so.

bonnie (15:39) - everybody change shift becaose of personal thigs
bonnie (15:40) - did anyone here change shift because it's work related cuase you like a particular shift?
ringgit (15:40) - I think you sometimes need to look at things lightly. You are not always correct and always righteous.

>> TA DA! I said it. Bonnie.. you are not an angel yourself you see. Please look at the mirror before you try to change other people

bonnie (15:40) - don't EVER treaten me again
bonnie (15:40) - i observe you took company time to do pesonal tihngs also
bonnie (15:40) - that's because at that time, the situation needs it

>> There she go again. When have I ever threaten that bitch?

ringgit (15:40) - Wait.. how is this related to me agreeing to change shift with you?
ringgit (15:41) - Just because you hated the word favour, you turned the whole thing into some kind of threat
bonnie (15:41) - ringgit and how is your personal take on the word favour apply to business, in this case?
ringgit (15:41) - I am not your aunt. When I used the word favour, I may not mean like your aunt
bonnie (15:41) - yes i felt treaten
ringgit (15:41) - You are using your personal experience in business in this case
bonnie (15:41) - and my husband can wait
ringgit (15:41) - Like I said, I am NOT your aunt
ringgit (15:42) - Did I sound THREATENING when I said the word favour?
ringgit (15:42) - Ask yourself this!

>> please note that our bitch did not answer this question

bonnie (15:42) - i tihnk of the consequences.
bonnie (15:42) - ie: when you asked back to change shift, i cannot say no.
bonnie (15:42) - because i owe u one.. get it? and you will make sure i remember that
bonnie (15:42) - so i rather.. have the optoin to say no
ringgit (15:42) - Have I ever done that to you?
ringgit (15:43) - And I do take offense at your "don't EVER threaten me again" word.
ringgit (15:44) - You are impossible these days.

>> Ahhh.. as long as you use the word "favour", it equates threaten. You can slap her physically and she won't think it's a threat. Just one word, no matter the intonation, and it became a threat. Do we need to raise it to YELLOW status or RED status?

bonnie (15:44) - that's why i was managing my emotions by not answerin your question just now..
bonnie (15:44) - but you have to dig it up
bonnie (15:44) - sigh..
bonnie (15:44) - how you want me to manage??

>> Ohhhhhhhhhhh, you poor baby. So now you are the victim and I am the bad guy? And poor baby trying to manage her emotion???

Well, don't bother bitch. You can never manage that retarded emotion of yours.

ringgit (15:44) - I wanted to address it
bonnie (15:44) - ok. erase all that.
ringgit (15:44) - I don't want to leave it hanging. That's why I brought it up.
bonnie (15:45) - i dowan to change shift just so that , I can have the options to say NO when you asked to change shift.
ringgit (15:45) - Fine. Then we will never change shift.
ringgit (15:45) - If that is what you are thinking.
ringgit (15:55) - btw, can you tell me what other words are sensitive to you so I know when not to use it?

Man! I was so pissed! I am so pissed I don't even know what to do! I don't even remember when I said the word "favour". I do know that she asked me if I could change shift with her last Thursday. LAST FUCKING THURSDAY! She said it's her husband's birthday tomorrow and she wanted to celebrate with her. I am always flexible and I said ok. Somehow, I must have said the word favour. That word must have fucking haunt her for 5 days (Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon, Tues) and she just can't contain it anymore. 5 fucking days!!!! How can anyone harbour so much resentment except that she's really sick?

Bonnie, aside from the negative EBA you had with me, I now know you better and I pity you. I pity you. Now I know why you keep on telling me you have a happy married life. I know why you keep on telling people you chased after your husband and that he's a good catch. I also know why you keep on telling me that it is very sad to be alone like I am now. That's because you are so fucking insecure with yourself that you have to justify your current situation. I pity what your aunt must have done to your pysche.

You have so much of my pity that I decided not to hate you anymore.

However, we are still colleague. So I am going to employ my classic move I used against colleague that I dislike. I ignore people like that. You want to talk shop - no problem. I can entertain you with a smile. Anything OTHER THAN work and I don't see you. You are probably invisible to me already. No more of your heart2heart talk. You are gone, as far as I am concerned.

PHEW!

Now that I think back, today's incident is perhaps a test from God on how I dealt with relationship with people. I am afraid I have failed again. And I bet tonight's chapter is about forgiving people.

"What should I learn from this today?"

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