Saturday, August 28, 2004

Greetings from Hong Kong

HK is damn hot! Almost as hot as MY. I sweat non stop... kinda embarassing. People here don't sweat and I am drenched as though I fell into a pool. Grr... Lesson learn.. never go anywhere during summer!

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Brisbane

No. I am not going Brisbane. It's just that there is a project running in Brisbane. There is a call center there and as we are looking to set up a call center ourselves, management is wondering if we could tap on the call center in AU. Boss told me about this and after some discussion, we agreed that Brisbane is the better choice compare to setting up a CC locally. However, we would need to start training people in Brisbane to be able to create calls to be channelled back to the support specialist in KL and I jokingly said send me there. Then, there won't be any trainings needed. Boss said, are you sure you want to be there and earning probably 2k per month? (as it is an operator job only). She said I thought you wanted to be a tram driver in Melbourne? Ha ha.. we laughed about it.

Now that I am back to my desk, a horrible thought occur to me. She's right? Do I want a life where all I earn is 2k a mth? After taxes and rent, I'd probabaly don't have enough for movie or CDs. It will be 1996 all over again when I started work as a fresh grad - can't afford many of the things I am enjoying now. Can't go HK on a whim. Can't go Egypt on a whim. Can do anything!

HORRIBLE.. HORRIBLE thoughts

Hong Kong

I will be going Hong Kong tomorrow for vacation. YAY!
If I have time, I'll update the blog from there with some pix.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Making Big Decisions

All my life, in whatever I do, I did it with reservations. I thought through things, gauge the pros and cons before I made any decisions. I justify my actions, both to myself and to my friends. Whether the decisions were good or they failed, I will have my own reasonings and justifications.

Because of this, I have always played safe. I have never made any big decisions in my life. I never have to make big adjustments. My life has been constant for as long as I can remember. It's dull, dull and dull. The term "sien" pratically sums it up.

And that was what made me want to go AU. Explore the world. Make a LIFE CHANGING decision for once! This "need" has motivated me to do my application. It had drove me to this ultimate goal.

Somewhere along the line, over the years, I have forgotten what it was that made me Applied..

Today, in the "company idol" audition.. it struck me again!

I KNOW WHY!
AND I LONG FOR THE BIG DECISION.
I WANT OUT OF THIS DULL SHELL, THIS ROBOTIC DRONE..

The wheel of change has started again..............

Sunday, August 08, 2004

In the morning...

Someone once asked me what I think of when I wake up in the morning. This morning, when I was still on the verge of waking up, I felt extremely lonely! It scared me so much that I actually opened my eyes instantly. Damn!

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Sakit

As far back as 5 years ago, I was extremely thin. I am 180cm and I weighed about 56kg. Back then, that was the lowest point of my life. I am guessing that was the sole reason why I could not attractive girls. Everybody is telling me to eat up, gain more weight.. you looked better that way. But what they don't understand is that it's not about eating nor not doing exercise. I ate a lot. I just have very powerful body metabolism - so no matter how much I ate, it wouldn't help increase the kgs.

I brought this subject up because yesterday, while leaving the office, I bumped into a colleague. We worked together on a project many years ago. She commented that I'm "gemuk" which I replied it's a good thing. She agrees stating that last time I was so "slim", "macam sakit". That term "macam sakit" hits me full in the face! Was it that bad? Do I really looked like some malnourished walking human zombie? Is that why all the girls that I've woo-ed dumped me for someone else?

It's not my fault that I can't gain weight. I tried! I really did! All these years.. I ate and ate and ate and pray that I can reach 60kg but I never did. I even tried those protien drinks and what not to no avail. Is it fair that I am punished for something beyond my control?

Guess life's never fair. I have 25 years to accept that. That was why I can be nonchalant about things these days. What could one do if the forces of nature is strongly against one?

Having said all this, I am very thankful to God that He has finally granted me my wish. I am now 72kg and looked pretty good :)

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